How I broke a 15-year bad habit

I’ve never been one for bad habits or addictions.

I don’t have an addictive personality and I do everything I can to keep myself in a good state and not controlled by any habit or addiction.

Except one thing..

As long as I can remember I have chewed the skin and my cuticles around my fingers.

It’s gross, they bleed, my fingers hurt all the time. WHY would I do this?

It’s constant. I do it when I’m nervous. I do it when I’m bored. I do it when I’m home all day. I do it while driving the car. I do it while reading. I do it while writing. I do it ALL THE TIME.

And it’s been like this since I was old enough to be aware that it’s happening.

I’ve tried using Willpower alone, but that didn’t work..

But the last few weeks I decided that I’m going to break that habit. Here’s where the first lesson comes in:

I made the choice to stop living with it — I stopped identifying with it.

Before, I would say something like “It’s just something I do. Not my fault. I just do it and it’s going to be like this forever!” But these statements are only true if you see them as true.

Stop identifying with the habit or addiction. Instead, say something like “I used to be the type of person who did this sometimes, but that’s different now because I changed.”

The next step is to find somebody to hold you accountable. Someone who will give you no excuses. Someone who will answer when you call. And most importantly — Someone who cares just as much (or more) than YOU care. Then you must promise to tell them every time you commit the bad habit.

Here’s what an accountable friend helps you with:

• You can text or call instead of reaching for the cigarette or piece of candy

• You’ll think of them every time you do the bad habit, and feel guilt

• They’ll support you when you won’t support yourself.

My accountability partner is my girlfriend. She’s the reason I was pushed to stop chewing the skin and cuticles around my fingers in the first place. I wasn’t aware of how often I did it, but whenever I would, she’d tell me to get my fingers out of my mouth. This made me brutally aware of how horribly often I committed this bad habit. I began to hate it!

As soon as I realized I needed to stop chewing my fingers, I was in the mindset to STOP.

But it can be difficult to get into the mindset if you feel super attached to it. Don’t worry — There’s a tool for that.

I have used something called a Decision Matrix. It’s a small chart that frees you from your Limiting Beliefs. I filled out a quick one for my chewing fingers bad habit:

Now I’d like you to fill one out for yourself. You can use Notion, Apple Notes, a piece of paper, or a whiteboard. Just make sure it’s written — It’s not as good if it’s only in your head.

In the first column, write the belief you are attaching to. This is what your bad habit or addiction is. Be honest with yourself because the more honest you are, the easier it is to free yourself.

In the middle column, Reverse & Affirm it. Take the complete opposite of what the limiting belief says, then turn it into an affirmation. You can read this daily. Or you can repeat it out loud to yourself (because this will change the chemical makeup of your brain and help you quit the bad habit)

Then in the third column, give yourself supporting evidence to support your new decision. Prove to yourself why it’s possible. This is when you give yourself credit and prove you can do it!

Examples of this:

• If you’re 25 years old and started smoking when you were 15, that’s 15 years of your life you didn’t need cigarettes! How amazing is that!

• 99% of the world never chews the skin or cuticles around their fingers. I don’t have to either!

• I only started this addiction because another person got me into it. It wasn’t even me who wanted that in the first place!

If you need help filling out your Decision Matrix, reply to this email or DM me on Twitter or Instagram. I will help you!

The last step I recommend is to COUNT your bad habit.

This is the most underrated strategy there ever was for quitting addiction or bad habits. And I truly can’t believe I haven’t heard it ANYWHERE else before — So this is extremely valuable.

Whenever you do your bad habit, simply count it.

You don’t have to try to do less, you don’t have to resist — Just do the bad habit, and count it.

You can count with tally marks, in a small notepad or sticky note in your pocket, your phone’s notes app, or I use an app called Counter. (This app is great because you can add a widget on your iPhone’s home screen and just press one button to add a tally)

At the end of the day, save how many tallys you had. Keep this on a notebook paper or a spreadsheet where you can see it all. Then tomorrow, start back at 0.

Here’s why this strategy works so damn well:

• It makes you fully aware of how much your habit controls you

• It gamifies it, because each day you track your numbers

• You can calculate the compound interest of your habit*

Calculating the compound interest is the GAME CHANGER.

I’ll use myself as an example:

The first day I counted how many times I bit my fingers, it was 25 times.

Now let’s see how many times that would be in only one year (keep in mind, I’ve done this for 15 years). 25 times 365 is 9125.

I’ve bit at my fingers 9125 times in the last YEAR.

Now let’s double down…

Let’s assume each cuticle is roughly 4mm long. 4mm times 9125 times is 36500mm.

If we convert the millimeters to yards, it just under 40 yards.

I bite 40 yards of my skin off a YEAR. Times that 15 (because I’ve had this habit 15 years), it comes out to be 600.

Six Hundred Yards of Skin Bitten off My fingers.

What the fuck — I am NOT okay with that.

See the mental reframe that just happened in me?

Do this for yourself! If you struggle or want some help, again, reply to this email or DM me on Twitter or Instagram.

Let me do this for cigarettes now too just as another example.

Let’s say you smoke just 5 cigarettes a day. That’s not even that many compared to most addictions.

5 times 365 is 1825.

If you divide 1825 by 20 (there are 20 cigarettes in a pack), you get 91.

That’s 91 packs of cigarettes and let’s assume an easy $10 per pack… You’re spending $1000 a year on something that’s giving you ZERO BENEFIT.

Can’t afford healthy food, leisurely activities, or funding a hobby? I know why.

And for cigarettes, we just went over the financial damage, and NONE of the nicotine, chemical, or neurological damage.

Let me break this down in a short summary:

1) Get an accountability partner

• They should care more than you do.

• Call or text them every time you’re considering your bad habit

• Swear that you will tell them the full truth EVERY time you do your bad habit

2) Fill out the Decision Matrix

• Write down your limiting belief

• Reverse & Affirm your limiting belief (affirm this daily)

• GIve evidence why your new decision is true and possible

3) Count every time you do the bad habit

• Simply add a tally mark every time you do it

• Slowly you’ll do it less and less because you’re making the subconscious, conscious

• Calculate the compound interest of this bad habit staying in your life

Quitting any habit is really as simple as this.

IF YOU TRULY CARE, this will 100% work for you. You must care, and you must stick to the plan.

I believe in you — Even if nobody else does.

I’m seeing this work firsthand with myself, and it’s backed by science.

Have a beautiful rest of your day. I really hope this email changed your life.